Dream and dream

I dream a lot lately. I mean dream dream. Not really nightmares.
(It probably means that I do not sleep well.)

ok well.

Last night I dreamt about eating purple avocado. My friends who are a couple was bragging so much about it and I was stunned.

And the night before I dreamt about L. Ermmmm, some lust. A blurry image but oh dear I miss the kisses despite the awful first taste.

PS: i googled and seems there is no purple avocado exists ;) dream is a dream after all.

继续恐惧

很久没有像最近这般恐惧，恐惧到明明很想面对但却情不自禁的在逃避退缩，然后我便开始讨厌如此懦弱的自己。每天无数次和自己对话要勇敢要努力，要坚决坚定坚毅！但却依然止步不前。对手机的依赖上瘾到底根源来自哪里，是真的生活让我感觉如此空虚还是因为自己没有底气。我的精气神在哪里？为什么我有了明确的目标很受启发很有斗志却还是好像毫无进展。如果我真的足够强大了，或许就不需要来这边自我打气了吧。

（现在这会，边码字，边心中隐隐作痛，到底是什么力量在阻碍我？）

Feel the fear

It's been a long long time but I do feel I want somewhere to vent out or self-motivate.

To sum it up. I had a wonderful romantic crush/fling during my solo-travel in Spain. It could work out because of the long distance and the guy did not want to give it a further try.  I felt quite deep in sorrow despite the very short time I spent with the guy. I tried my best to survive this impossible connection until I feel I cannot do it anymore. 

He is not enough for me. The message is clear. It's a NO from him and from me. Here I am firm about this "NO" and I know I am strong and beautiful. If he does not like me (enough), it's his loss. I deserve so much better! 

Yet, there is a little push that I am so determined to dream for a goal and fight hard for it. It's a more exciting sensation which I really cherish and feel grateful at the moment now.

Many butterflies in my stomach.

I can do it!

maybe I shall update a bit about last year first

As what i can still hardly remember

I tried a bit of mariguana in sri lanka

I had my first gay bar/club experience

I completed one sewing class session

I went to cebu and certified on padi advanced diving

I restarted cs travelled to vietnam and all the way back to China alone

and during the trip i had my first bf first relationship

Then followed by a bad breakup before xmas and new year

I was depressed for hmm some time.

ya pretty much summarised my 2016.

tml no half price sale :P

I will become better and better.

I know it.

Cya!

Sorry I can't write

When it comes to writing, I always feel I am so bad at it and I am so lack of words.I tried hard searching for vocab to combine and arrange them into something beautiful like others can do. 

But I cannot. Sad :(

Therefore I kept using Love and Happiness.

Boring maybe but I really don't find any other words more powerful than the two.

For me, many things just can't be captured by any pictures or words. Because our emotions are complicated. You can only feel it by your own interpretation. 

I am not ashamed of not having the ability to write beautifully but I am always proud that I have the ability to love and being happy.

I am so grateful of who I am today.

?

It has been really long long time since the last time i blogged on something or anything.

Though occasionally I did come back a bit to have a look at my past posts and I thought they were rather lovely and funny, then I just did not make any effort to keep them going. Nothing.

Only till now, I don't know whatever something is strongly driving me to do it.

Seems a lot of things have happened or are happening to me. I question myself if it is because I am rushing myself at the last few months of my 25. But rushing for what? I somehow can sense my own growth. But I cannot really define the good or bad. Positive impact or negative impact? Any regrets? Is it necessary? Why am I doing all these? Do I really wanna do these? Are they what I want? what am I scared of? Is everything worth it?

Totally I have no answer no clue. It's ok.

#Bethechange! im happy about whatever decision i've made.

GIVING

i felt glad being there and contributed my tiny little effort

giving is happiness, giving is beautiful

enjoy giving and try to be kind to everything everyone

when i become that old, there might be some handsome 6pack guy feeding me too.

jk, but lol who knows.

mixed messed up feelings and whatever

Leave some space here for later,
I know i will have so much to write.

520

i am as happy as i am, though i am a bit worried.

what to do? 

sometimes the choice is not on me, but on many other factors.

but, i still believe.

BE FEARLESS PLEASE :)